Gettin' a handle on this bish
01.01.2014 - 23.01.2014 9 °F
If you’re reading this, I miss you.
I have been on the road for almost a month now. It’s hard for me to believe that I’ve been away from home, my friends, my family, my rave fam, and my car for so long. While I am enjoying the current chapter of my life, I am a tad homesick. However, 2014 has been bitchin’ so far. Since I’ve been slackin’, let us rewind. New Year’s Eve was a riot. We spent the end of 2013 in Dayton, Ohio. Because there wasn’t a damn thing going on there other than an overpriced party at our hotel (265 bucks is HELLA reasonable), some of the boys and I made our own turn up. First, we smashed burgers from Five Guys. People talk about that place all the time and…damn. Best burger I’ve had this trip. Trust me I’m a fat kid, I know these things. Then because it was the end of a year and the start of another, I thought it would be a great idea to drink as much as humanly possible.
Don’t know where this came from…
Turns out I was right because I didn’t wake up alone! I woke up next to a lovely trail of vomit spewing from my side of the bed across the other and down onto the carpet. I’m glad Five Guys and Three Olives came back up to hang out with me some more. #winning #beardpuke #brokenglass #bloodysheets #thatpoormaid
The punk ass Polar Vortex has officially passed. My beard and I are just fine, thank you. But seriously what the fuh mother nature? It was -30 degrees in Peoria, IL. NEGATIVE THIRTY DEGREES. My homeboy MJ and I walked to a gas station and nearly caught frostbite on our hands and toes. I miss the perpetual 70 degree weather of sunny So Cal.
My view during the Polar Vortex
The last couple weeks have flown by. It’s hard to stay connected when we are only staying in hotels for one night and then leaving the next day. We’ve been to cities large and small in the Midwest and the South. Some places don’t believe in cabs. Convenient. Some don’t believe in internet or cell service. What’s up 1990? But, Nashville and Memphis were beautiful places.
Oh I know you were wondering about it, the women out here are no joke. Let me just say there are a ton of kids at these games… and I’m no pedophile. I don’t even know what to do with myself. All these cougars calling me sir and saying “Thank yewwww” just makes me the happiest little boy. I think I might actually like the South.
One thing that a guy on the World All Stars (the Trotter's opponents) noticed is that no woman is safe when we come into town. It seems like every woman we come in contact with get's hit on. Waitresses, hostesses, front desk clerks, the chick in the elevator. Shoot, I can't blame anyone, it's pretty lonely on the road. Just a bunch of dudes hanging around each other all day and usually the most exciting thing we do is eat food or get drunk. One venue in Florence, Alabama was staffed by the college girls volleyball and soccer teams. I wonder whose bright idea that was?
Globies Crew: Ninja, Globie, Dark Knight
Dark Knight and Ninja
Hawk flyin' high. This guy is the man.
The MC of the show QTMC.
Hot Shot, masta dunka.
"Did I leave the coffee pot on?"
T-Time. This girl is awesome. Always has a smile on her face.
Hey I know that guy.
Things to Bitch about
Stank ass 200 mile bus rides after we eat dinner on the road. I gotta say sorry for what I did to the boys after we had chicken alfredo. I seriously thought I was going to melt the leather under my ass. I haven't eaten alfredo on the bus since then, and I've had many chances. #mybad
My eyeballs freezing solid when I go outside.
Hair stylists who don't do what I explicitly tell them to do and cutting my hair wrong.
Hotels that use 14 sheets instead of a comforter. I love waking up with the sheets strangling my extremities like they are trying to steal my innocence.
I'm seriously, there is no comforter, just a thousand sheets. Well done Marriott.
They sell "kandi" at Hot Topic now. BURN IN HELL HOT TOPIC.
Things I appreciate
Kindness of Southerners.
Doing my laundry.
People caring enough to remember my name.
Texts from friends and fam checking in on me.
Snapchats from my Asian grandpa Pop Pop Liem.
BONUS APPRECIATION for cheap drinks.
Random Facts for the day
You can't buy liquor in Ohio past 7pm.
The town of Carbondale is actually pronounced (Car-bahn-duh-lay) as our rando friend here on the left learnt us.
Wrappin it up (not in the fun way)
The tour is approaching the east coast soon where civilization starts to become a thing again. Hopefully there will be no more high school gyms, sucky internet, or early liquor store closures. I appreciate every snapchat, text, tag, Facebook post, and phone call from my friends and family back home. It keeps me grounded so I don't forget who I am and where I came from while I enjoy this crazy experience. I look forward to seeing my friends in cities such as Albany, Philly, and New York City very soon.
Now, it's off to Steak n' Shakes for a 5 dollar breakfast. Catch you on the flip side.